Natasha Helfer’s PEPTALK Approach to Overcoming Sexual Shame
Sexual shame is a common experience for many individuals who have grown up in strict religious environments that teach negative messages about sex and sexuality. This shame can lead to feelings of guilt, fear, and self-doubt, and can have a significant impact on a person’s mental health and relationships. It can also lead to sexual dissatisfaction and dysfunction, such as painful sex, erectile dysfunction, sexual drive disorders, and anorgasmia. However, there are steps that can be taken to combat religious sexual shame and begin to heal from its effects. Natasha Helfer, a renowned sex therapist, provides insightful guidance through her PEPTalk approach.
The PEPTalk Approach: A Framework for Healing
Natasha Helfer has developed the “PEPTalk”© approach as a structured framework that aims to provide doable actions to facilitate healing from inappropriate sexual shame. Modeled after the PLISSIT model, which stands for Permission, Limited Information, Specific Suggestions, and Intensive Therapy (used by sex therapists), the PEPTalk approach follows a similar structure but applies these useful principles to the general public.
Permission and Education: The First Steps to Recovery
The first step in the PEPTalk approach is to give yourself permission. Permission can be diverse and apply to many aspects of your life. This includes permission to think freely, challenge outdated beliefs, be yourself, claim your orientation and gender identity, spend time, money, and energy on healing, love your body, touch your body, claim your sexual styles and preferences, experience pleasure, grieve things you’ve lost, speak your truth, be honest with your partner(s), and try new things. When you give yourself permission to explore and reclaim, you begin an unending journey in sexual self-discovery that starts peeling back the layers of sexual shame.
Once permission has been granted, the next step involves getting relevant, accurate, and useful information and resources to help you better understand sexuality as a whole. This may include psychoeducation about sexual styles, preferences, behaviors, anatomy, mental health conditions that can affect sexuality, sexual communication, sexual health principles, healthy negotiation skills, and other tools to empower you to reclaim and enjoy your sexuality. By equipping yourself with knowledge and skills, you are empowered to make informed decisions and take sex-positive steps toward the shifts you want to see.
Practice and Talk: Building Confidence and Support Networks
The practice phase of the PEPTalk approach involves doing the work. The more you practice things, the less scary and guilt-inducing they tend to be. Take masturbation, for example. If you’ve lived most of your life thinking that touching your own body for relaxation and sexual pleasure was a sin, even if you’ve shifted your beliefs, you’re in a habit of feeling guilty about this. The more you practice masturbating, typically you should experience less frequency and intensity in these feelings. This is true of any human behavior we are trying to get better at. By encouraging regular practice of the things you want to enjoy and experience less shame around, you will be reinforcing sex-positive skills and building the confidence, resilience, and self-efficacy needed to reduce sexual shame.
Speaking our truths, experiences, and fears is essential in any healing process. The talk part of the PEPTalk approach can focus on different types of relationships you may find helpful in your sexual shame healing journey. This may be something as simple as talking to your friends and family who have gone through similar experiences. You could also seek out a more formal social support group or community where sharing similar experiences helps maintain sexual well-being. By building a social network of peers, support groups, and online communities, individuals can connect with others who share similar experiences, exchange strategies for coping, and provide mutual encouragement and validation.
Intensive Therapy and Ongoing Support
If you find that you need a deeper dive into underlying issues, unresolved traumas, and complex emotions, you may want to consider sex therapy with a qualified professional. This may involve exploring past experiences, processing difficult feelings, and working through challenges in a safe and supportive environment. By providing intensive therapy when needed, therapists can help individuals address deep-seated issues, overcome barriers to progress, and achieve lasting transformation.
Connecting with supportive communities, seeking out sex-positive resources, and engaging in self-care practices can also aid in the healing process. Surrounding oneself with understanding and empathetic individuals can provide validation and a sense of belonging, while self-care activities such as mindfulness, journaling, and creative expression can help individuals process and release their feelings of shame.
Conclusion: Embracing a Shame-Free Life
The PEPTalk approach offers a comprehensive framework for promoting sexual health and sexual shame recovery through permission, education, practice, and talking. By incorporating these elements into your life, you can empower yourself to heal, develop coping skills, build resilience, and cultivate a supportive network. Ultimately, the PEPTalk approach seeks to help you live a shame-free sexual life, embrace your own individualized sexuality, and enjoy the many benefits of sexual health and pleasure.